Alguna vez te perdiste en el brillo de tus ojos?
Destellan como el mar que existe en mi
como la corriente que la vida personificó
Como la pureza del amor al florecer

Etéreas son las sabanas que entre nosotros deciden intrusar
Volátiles son esas manos que me llevaron a reposar
Numinoso dulzor hasta el borde de tus labios
Y hasta tu núcleo trepé por los caminos no trazados

Desde que descubrí a donde voy, mi ancestro no tiene sentido
Desde que descubrí como volar yo disfruto caminar
Desde que soñé en ese día eterno que no se permitía sollozar
Desde ese día dije las palabras de juramento
Las palabras que no pueden especularse
Las palabras de simplicidad mundana y unos ojos en llamas
Las palabras del nosotros y el vos y yo
Ni la diosa del amor, ni el más pudiente ardor
Nada retornará el potente dolor, del ayer, del menor.

La fecha es un pormenor

Do you like me fake or genuine? Do you want me faking or true?

The path to self-descovery is a tough one to most, but it wasn't for me.
Actually, for me, that path was always clear of any possible obstacles.
However, the path to self-realization is a hard one. Is the road we're forced to walk on, every day. At least we choose hypocrisy as our best friend. But nevertheless, it's hard. It's like saying goodbye to the sun.
Who will trust you so that they support you and mentor you through a stepway of ups-and-downs, happenstance and effort, alltogether, so a certain fate can be properly fulfilled?
I do trust my instincts. I do trust my intuition. And, most importantly, I do trust my talent.
But who else will?
Age, time, heart, thoughts, memory, toughness, talent, rust, wings, roads... There's just a big squall of words in my head.
But it's ok, I guess. I always ease when I think that the next day is a new one.
I guess all I can do is do my best, and wait for some kind of answer. Some kind of chance.

If love is a promise then I'm kept. If you have been made then I am the same. If Love is a synergy, then one we are both. If they taught me to fly with you I would walk.
It all starts where it all begins when the feeling is mutual. It all lasts because hearts swear to life that the beatings will be shared if there should be beatings.
I exist because I exist, for that there's no explanation. And this love's existance has no explanation either, but we know one thing for sure: It has always been meant to be.
Happiness is ought to be shared and loneliness should be carved. In your eyes I'd like to rest and in your arms I'll fly.
Because You love me so hard, I have been taught to love myself.
Because You care so much I have learnt about importance.
Because time flies we know we can fly too.
Because we kill to reach what we already are.
And I have been so afraid before but never as afraid as now. Frightened to the bone, scared to admit it and terrified to breathe about it, because before I had nothing left to lose. Since you came by everything's glimmering gold, regardless what's underneath, and thievery is common sense.
Did you know I'm alive? Did you know I have dreamt about living? Every night I came down from the limitless blue but my weight pulled me in. And I always carefully observed.
Why do you care so much? What am I to you? What are you to me?
For anatomy, a body we are both. Four legs and four arms, with their measurements and their physical limits.
But for you and me we are bodies no more. Since we met we have left this mundane vessels we were born in and we've became weightless.
I'm the only human alive who can fly. But you're the only one who knows it. And the secret shall live forever more.

Here I am again. This time, to just report how veering my life has been this past month... Many important events took place this November... I turned 18, I finished college, I started working, my first job at Starbucks, and I went from having all the time of the world to having "none"... The trip to my work is kinda long since it's in the city centre, where all the dreams come true as they say, and I work about 5:30 hrs...
But I'm happy. Maybe happier than I've ever been... Maybe, I feel complete. Maybe, I feel responsible, I feel grown. The fear of growing up took over so many times, but overcoming it was one of my bestest pleasures...
And, besides it all, I have met the love of my life.
I thought about giving up so many times already, I thought there was no place for me in the world of love, that I wasn't made for these times... But my soulmate has been out there all along. Incredibly nearer than I thought!
Everything came by SO unexpectedly! It has been such a moving month!!
So yeah, I don't really feel inspired because I'm kind of tired, but I'll come back. This blog is a promise to myself, that I sometimes, periodically, check so I can notice how much I change, and how stupid I can sometimes get. I don't really do it for anyone.

And here I get respawned after a long time of absence and distance. But I'm in here for the best of the reasons. And to be honest, I'm not exaggerating.
Months ago, I thought I could never bump into happiness again. "That is it. This is as far as I go" I thought to myself, once, and over, and over, and over again. I had no hopes, I had no dreams. I was resigned to a whole lifetime of breakdowns and failures.
I was wrong.
I am the hope, I am the dream. I'm the never-fading flame. Once I turned lackluster, but that no more. I'm shining again, brighter than I've ever shined, with an impossible to cool fireheart. A Fireheart that beats to my name, beats to my life, to my dreams, to my future, to my present, to my well-being and my happiness. To everything that builds me, and makes me who I am. To everything I've gone through, metabolized into experiences akin to notes-to-self...
I am happy. I'm plainly, simply, foolishly happy. Well, I can take that adverb back. I am not foolishly happy.
I have a reason.
That reason has a name, a couple of feet, a beating heart, and a certain affinity to me.
I feel loved. I don't feel lonely anymore. I don't feel scared anymore. I don't feel insecure anymore.
I feel free, I have killed my shadow self. I have grown and I'm still doing so. And I crave to keep on doing so, endlessly.
Because there's nothing better than fail terribly at everything, and re-starting, anew. Because life just sweeps me with each and every one of it's waves, to places I have never dreamed of... Or even better, places I never thought that would make me so happy.
I'm caught in a situation. I'm transfixed, parallaxed, I'm bedazzled. I understand nothing, and nothing has any sense. Nothing needs sense.
Feelings don't need any sense.
I'm in love.

But most importantly, I'm fulfilled. I feel as if all the stars aligned to kill everything that was holding me down, attaching me to the darkest pit of the earth. I feel as if my whole world has been bestowed with this blinding, divine light.
I feel happy. I feel so happy I could cry.

More than once, I have been told by several elders that the only thing one should be ashamed of, is stealing.
I prove this is wrong.
Begging is shameful, in some ways, too. It depends on what you beg for, the shameful you should or ought to feel...
But begging for love is unacceptable. I mean, I'm sure I'm one of those emotional-high-mantenience guys, but I can't help it and I never pretended not being it. Not at all. Not once
So what's with the sudden silence? The crowd's quiet.
Your crowd's quiet, mine is cheering. The match is still on... Needless to say it has JUST started.
So what are we waiting for? What's up with your sprint shoes? Are they stuck to the ground or something?
Maybe nothing's what it seems and I'm terrified.
Maybe I'm the one who should be in panic and has all the tools and reasons and proof to mistrust.
Faith can be deluding sometimes. Specially to delusional people like me. Guillible people like me who, appearently, LOVE to be fooled.

Today I take a quarter of my little tiny spare time to express my happiness, something I seldomly acheived during these past few months. After a breakup which, emotionally, felt like a literal internal black hole, I've been bereft of all hope. I've been left totally scrapped, ruined, dreaded. I just never thought I'd be able to see the stars again.
But tonight the stars are in my eyes. The stars are reflected on every bit of my body. Because I'm like silver, because I'm like an auto-reflection.
And what I've been reflecting was not good at all. It wasn't attractive, it wasn't hopeful, it wasn't pretty at all. It was the darkest side of me, some kind of remnant containing everything but the beautiful things that built me up.
What you have seen is a blueprint of a negative pessimistic side of me.
But it all turns to dust, and I'm building this haven back from scratch. Tonight I start off re-building myself, reckoning every kind of thing that made me who I was, and improving it. I'll update my system, I'll be stronger, I'll be marvelous.
Because life's like a sun for you to shine on. Life holds all these wonders we choose to unveil, life is over before you notice and wasted everytime we let sadness take over one of our minutes.
I'm just happy.
If you are reading this, whoever you are, wherever you may be...
Never waste life. Turn every and each moment to a unique and beautiful work of art.
And you should paint it beautiful.
Don't get drunk in regret, the hangover is the worst thing that you can go through.
And whenever you cry, let those tears originate from out-bursting happiness.

And we find our way to cuddle and be happy, for a while, for an instant, for a moment in time, we disrupt it and throw it away to ask ourselves why it never happened before, or whether it'll be able to reocurr. We're so shameful, we're the same. We're sinful, we're men.
Whatever did we do to transfix these overzealous adventures to underwhelming unrequited love stories?
I don't know. Will you know? Do I want to know?
I'm not sure. Are you sure? I'm positive I don't.
I want to get up and paint these six flats. I want to, so badly. I want to be proud when saying I can. I want to be true when saying I will.
But hurt pursues, and pursues unstitched wounds. Did you ever bleed? And I don't actually mean a scratch. I mean a stolen limb. I mean a rooted out heart.
That's what I mean when I say you. You yourself you deity. You God in me you man in her you hero in you.
Let me cut. And please us. I ran into a log and fell into a tree.
Nymphs will save me if I can keep myself out of sight of dwarves. We have to be quick, hasty, nimble, accurate, dexterous.
I'm at the peak of an inverted diamond. I'm at the top of the bottom.
But I've been worse, I've been in you. I've been into you.
You won't break into me. 

There's always a poem for lost love

I guess I’ll take a vacation

To the South Pole

When the Sun arrives

Remnants will be dancing in the lights

There’s a teardrop in the floor

It’s not yours, it’s not mine

There’s this track we used to love

But all it brings back is regret

We were so close to each other

And maybe shortage is what you looked for

You diminish my lifespan

You break down my hopes

And I was the downtown kid

Everyone wants to have an adventure with

I thought our bonds wouldn’t trim

I thought lies wouldn’t ever be real

But now I’m moving on

I’m not escaping from the town

I’m looking at our old photos

with dry eyes

With eyes of a lover who wasn’t wrong

My mind’s blank of remorse

I don’t wanna drown

In the “we were so close”

And looking in the mirror

I look torn

I may look broke

But I just need some fix

I’ll coin these hours

That are left of my life

We need September to reach October

And October to end the lies

And maybe cupid missed its shot

Maybe he wasn’t accurate enough

But I don’t regret, I never do

I was never wrong by loving you

Footsteps faded in the snow

Like an earned glory song

There are strings, trumpets and choirs

But your war cry didn’t belong

Miscalculations and misplacements

Made by a foolish boy

I expected too much from you

You ought to grow too slow

Maybe love was unrequited

because you were overrated

and then kisses were deflected

and turns to speak were waited

I am nothing but true

When I say that I loved you

I am yet to wipe tears

I look inside there’s no more fear

Sorrow’s no longer by my rear

Happiness will shake and stir.

Cowardy is like a pair of glasses. And it seems, lately, it's one of the most fashionable pieces of our time. We get them on, we wear them, and then we start seeing things differently. It reduces our eyesight, and darkens whatever comes into sight. We are not seeing things as they are.
I've always been headstrong. With whatever I planned, or carried out. I never held back, and sometimes, that might irritate some people.
Yeah, that might trigger them. That might anger them. But I can't help it. I have never been able to hold feelings, intentions, and urges back.
It's not like my intentions were bad, they actually never were, and I'm not hurtful. Sometimes I make mistakes, and sometimes, I might say things that bother some people. People might disagree and feel disqualified. But I am just a human, and it's not my job to disqualify anyone. I have never intended anyone to feel underappreciated. And I think, I've never did.

But I did it to myself.

I'm proud I could correct so many things that went wrong 5 years ago. I'm proud things do not hurt so much anymore, and I'm glad I'm able to be happy a little more oftenly.
And I am happy now. I'm lively.

But I feel played~ I feel as if someone just took me, and twisted me into something so they could fit me into whatever they were looking for. I feel as if I've been dreaming all along. I feel as if I am obliged to think I have self-deluded myself. And I'm not going to let that happen.
We swore honesty and we shared our pain.
You had none so mine was the pouring.
Light was blinding and love was drowning.
It was drowning you, I was needing it.
You never intended taking care of me. You just... wanted to have some fun. So you just... let yourself toy a little bit, and arrange things that could be arranged, a gimmick of wonders you seem to possess. You seriously layed low. You seriously tricked me.

But I'm not ashamed. Oh, not at all. At least, not of myself. I might be a little disappointed.
Disappointed by how, I gave you just so much, clearly too much, and you couldn't handle it. Disappointed on how you wanted me to think I was the faulty one. So let down by how you will keep on making the same mistakes, since you can't fix them, and don't want to in the first place. And seriously worried about how much you love yourself, that you'll never be able to love someone else.

I have no interest on pointing my finger, neither give anyone a lecture, neither helping you out. I don't wish you the worst, I might wish you the best, but is what you do and say that makes you who you are. It's what you do that shows what your true intentions are.
Wishing's just futile.
And I've always been a little silly. I've always been a little guillible, specially when it comes to love.
In spite of that, I know I did everything at the top of my capacities. I know that next time I'll be happier. I know that I have never been afraid to be who I am.

And I've always speaked my mind.

You just had to disguise what your true intentions were just so you could get into me.
It's always been clear and I've been avoiding it.

You're so into yourself. You just need. You just want. But you never give what's required, you never fulfill the requirements. You just manipulate them to your convenience.

Love can sometimes be unrequited, but I'll grow. I'll grow tougher.
Disguise them fake pearls and you'll get into trouble. Play with hearts and stains of blood might never ever wash off.

El orgullo, siniestro y temeroso, los envenena. El tiempo pasa, los segundos danzan en el adiós, no queda nada. Todo aquel espacio ocupado de a poco se caracteriza por su carencia de contenido. De a poco el deseo se convierte en desprecio, y todo aquello que parecía destacar el sentido, el destino bien cumplido, se pierde en las sombras del futuro.
El ayer, el ayer corroe. Marchita el alma envenenada. Las intenciones que se tomaron como intereses. Los metros que no se pudieron recorrer y los charcos que mojaron las zapatillas del encuentro.

Todo y nada, el yace distante. Y el amor espera una respuesta. Un enunciado, una pregunta, y una respuesta jamás dada.

Qué había que ya no hay? Qué es lo que los impide retornar? El camino sigue siendo el mismo, y como dos perros ellos sabrían de una manera u otra rastrearlo.

Pesan, pesan los momentos. Los minutos que no parecen transcurrir y los minutos que se fueron muy rápido. El dolor que habita, y que decidió alquilar su alcoba.

Empero, las lágrimas derramadas sobre su terreno sagrado jamás lo dejarían olvidarse. Jamás. Las lágrimas solo se fortalecen y reclutan aliados. Las lágrimas están empezando a salir a diario, están visitando y despidiendo en una frenética inconcebible, en un torbellino, que para ellos es una atracción.
El carrusel nos mató. El carrusel lo hizo, y es su culpa. Y sin ir más lejos, el responsable de activarlo debe pagar.

Quién lo activó?

Quién lo activó?

Quién lo activó?

Quién lo activó?

Quién lo activó?

No. No, tu padre no podrá hacerse cargo y no voy a dejarlo. No voy a dejar que suceda.

No me dejes ir. No me dejes ir porque luego no voy a poder ayudarte a dejar de llorar. No me dejes ir porque no vuelvo.

Y estas promesas embebidas en agonía, nunca antes cumplidas, pueden cobrar su veracidad en cualquier momento.

Su cuota está en plazo. Es su momento.

Las hojas siguen en el aire. La vida sigue en el aire. Estoy ahí. Estoy acá. Estoy ahí.

Estoy

I've drank my time, swallowed it all up, never opening my mouth, since I was behaving correctly, awaiting an answer of yours. Awaiting some kind of sign, some kind of vital sign, or at least emotional sign. At least, a snippet of what I've been giving you whole-heartedly throughout 6 entire months.
But I can't keep quiet anymore, and after pounding everytime my PC gets kinda slow because I feel you're about to reach out to me, after heart sobbing everytime I hear my mobile ring, I learned it's all in me.
Yeah, it has always been inside me.
It's my most usual habit, something I've been born with. I'm a lackluster. I'm a star-dust. That's all I am supposed to be. That's all you wait me to be.
I've planned everything. I've worked through every obstacle, I've swallowed pain for two, I battled uncertainties and talked with myself whenever I felt alone. I had to manage with a couple of coded words.
After a pack of 3, all my problems and uneases were transported to my acquantainces. To all the people I love. After a 3-pack, everyone knew me, everyone knew you, everyone knew the pain. And the recommendation was always the same.
Yet, I picked going on, I picked going onward.
There's not a single second not spent in you. Been burnt by love 4 consecutive years, I chose to trust this man of an almost foreign land, at least, unknown to me. I had heard things about it, but still no personal confirmations.
And I trusted. And I loved. And everything foreseen became curses and hauntings.
How could I be so blind? This might be the typical broken-hearted phrase. The usual coined phrase by whoever who ends with something. Who ends with a relationship.
For the first time in my life, I must admit, I have tricked myself. I tried to be a little selfish, and I asked for some loving in return.
That, being the only request, was never fulfilled. What went wrong, tell me?
I've made infinite proposals, promises, demonstrations, declarations... And I'm pretty sure, not to brag, that no one has ever, even tried, loving you like I did.
I loved you with no second intentions. I loved you like I never loved before. I handed myself to bravery and courage. I fought battles blindfolded. I cracked the distorted mirror placed around me four years ago, just because of you.
So what else, what else was needed for you to love me and cherish me right?
Did I deserve this?
Crying to sleep endlessly, remembering you in each inch of space, sensing you in the very gravity...
What did I do to deserve this...?
I helped you with your personal issues with no requirements. I asked for no payback. And I had nothing promised in that moment. I embraced you, I nursed you, I nurtured you... I taught you love...
Yet you reminded me hurt.
You never intended to fight for anything. You never intended to fight for me.
And I'll never know if, at some time, I meant a percentage, a bit, of what you mean to me.
Maybe this will wear off with time, like every chain that weighted on my shoulders. Maybe this will go away when I'm too dry to cry. Maybe this will go away when, somehow, somebody places the one by my side.
Alas, I'm tired. I'm too worn out. Let me rest. Let me feel weightless.

A pill of melancholy with a vial of regret.
The bittersweet taste of could have been
I can feel it when you leave, I can taste you in my yesterday

After passing a long while away from my blog, I decided to come back. It's not like I care about getting any followers, it's not about being famous or anything. But I consider this my space of introspection, my virtual space in which I can say whatever the hell I want, whatever the way I want to express it.
I've got a lot of friends, and I'm not a shy person... Quite the opposite, I'm a really outspoken person, and I like to make things clear.
But I've been wondering why I haven't written in my blog for a month or so... I tend to come here daily, and maybe make some sketches, maybe posting whatever the hell goes through my mind, but lately I didn't have "anything to talk about".
This kept on beating inside my head; I do have things to talk about... but what is my blog about? what is my blog for?
I reach out my blog to accomplish self-understanding. There are some occasions when I can't think clear, and things are really messed up inside my head, and maybe expressing them like I do here helps me not only letting some steam off, but maybe coming back later and checking how my mind was working back then. Then I can finally reach some conclusions.

Today's post is dedicated to all those times when we underrate ourselves, when we auto-bring us down, and don't trust that we can be strong or survive certain situations.
I thought I'd be walking through walls, I thought I would be scrapping my scalp til it bleeds, but I realized I can spend my time wisely when I'm not under pressure, whenever I'm not looking forward to something really urgently.
And what can I say? this happiness is confusing. Sometimes you asign it to the wrong conclusions or ideas.
But I realized I should just take advantage of it, and enjoy it. Enjoy it as long as it lasts.

So here goes a new, weekly held back word vomit, made of, mostly, annoyance, irritation, dreadfulness, deception, disappointment, pressure, insecurity, doubt, weakness and grief.

Not only I have to rightfully stand a chain of misfortunes and  unlucky events, it seems as if a lot of sub-systems made up a whole, mother hardship, and I even try to be optimistic and positive, and look into the future with a good omen.
But I can't.
So yeah, maybe these blizzards for me are what a weekend rainstorm seem to you. But that doesn't leave the fact that I'm really weakly hanging on, and you don't seem to care aside.
You know promises are made to be kept, and you know some things are implicit though present and need to be respected. And if that wasn't the point, you still wouldn't be saved by the fact that it seems that a crappy event or occasion, centered and organized by someone who you recently had issues with, and I had to, with good intentions, help you out with, is more important than the whole point of seeing me is.
I'm not about to make you beg or crawl back to me. I'm not here to mention or descibe why I should be your top priority. That's your task.
How come I had such a terrible weekend, and the cherry on top must be this whole... dramatic, distant and cold relation between us?
I'm not a bit near to the access of the tools I need to demolish this entire depressing, hollow, sullen state of mine. And no one's near to caring to helping me out.

Owen Pallett - Live At Vancouver Signal Fest (04/03/2011)

This is an excelent, premium quality full bootleg of his concert at Signal Fest. The tracklist is the following:

Encoded: 160 kbps MP3 (Good quality, the audio is clean and clear and there are no crowd noises)

Duration: 67 minutes.

Weight: 77 MB

Download: http://www.mediafire.com/?2cccbjxp56ys3r7